What You Need
by Adrienne Wolf
Summary: James wonders what is going on inside Lily's mind one night. What is going to happen when he asks her? One-Shot. Inspired by Tyler Kyte's What You Need.


**What You Need**

_Lady Adrienne Wolfe Gentry_

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_*START IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE*_

_I normally hate putting an A/N at the start of a story, most people ignore it or it disrupts the flow, but this is important, the story was inspired by something.… If at all possible, listen to __**What You**__** Need**__ by __**Tyler Kyte **__(yes, Spiderman from Instant Star) while you read this. If you can't, the lyrics are the second song in my profile under __**Songs of the {insert time frame here}**__._

_*END IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE*_

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I really just can't stop thinking about her.

Its been like this for years, pretty much since the train First Year, when I saw that red hair standing out from a sea of ordinary, or less than, in a compartment of future or current Slytherins. At first I couldn't comprehend why any creature with such an inherent loveliness would surround herself with such snakes, but I didn't tell Sirius that. He still thought most girls were to be avoided at all cost. No surprise, with the women in his family being mostly insane. How I got him to go with me into the compartment was a simple question.

"Oy, Sirius! Future snakes over here. Wanna terrorize them for a bit?"

With that, Sirius set to work on what would be his favorite past time until this day, Snake Baiting. While Sirius irritated, annoyed, and embarrassed the aspiring dark lords, I focused my attention on the only girl, the redhead. She had looked up when Sirius burst in, her mouth still open, but her conversation with the lank-haired boy beside her forgotten for the moment. Her eyes caught my attention almost at once, even faster than the flame colored hair had.

They were perfect in a way I never thought a shade of green could be perfect. Green was a just Slytherin color until that moment in time. They were an almond shape, but not quite as thin as one, and a glowed with a living emerald color that currently expressed surprise. Slowly the expression changed from surprise to annoyance and she started to speak, but I couldn't do much but stare, unhearing of her complaints. I was mesmerized and in awe, something I didn't fully understand yet at eleven years old.

Hell, I still don't think I get it now at seventeen.

My ability to think returned at about the same time her annoyance changed to indignation and anger, which most likely wasn't the best time to actually start speaking. Glancing over her companion, a thin boy with already bad skin and horribly greasy hair whose name I think was Snape, I opened my mouth and uttered what would ignite over half a decade of screaming wars and pranks to try and hide how much failing embarrassed me.

"So, why is a pretty flower like you in here with all these snakes? I don't think the company of dark arts experts is any place for someone like you. Come with me, I'm much better company."

The last thing I remember from that train ride the first year was my little fireball screaming something about my being an arrogant toe rag and her "friend" throwing some curse at me that knocked me out until we reached the school.

My first thought upon waking was I wanted a day inside the mind of that girl. Something I'd still kill for.

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Here we are, six years later, and I still can't get her out of my head for anything. She is always the first thought I have when I wake up in the morning and the last when I go to bed, and in every decent dream I have between those hours. Hers is the only opinion that even matters to me anyone, a fact that I know must irritate Sirius. He doesn't understand it at all, this change she made in me. He has never really had a girlfriend, never really found someone to give a chance. Remus is more sympathetic, but he doesn't get it either. He won't let himself get too close to a girl to start to feel this utter consuming of the mind. Peter, bless him, might actually get it better than the others, since he always seems to be on the outside looking in, but it still isn't the exact same. I wish I could make sense of it enough myself to explain it to them, but I just can't. There aren't words.

It was her opinion that day in fifth year, after O.W.L.S., that was the catalyst in changing. It was the first time she had ever really, truly let me have it like that. Ever since then, since hearing those words that took my opinion of myself down as many notches as it was high previously, I've tried to change. Sure, I've slipped up more than a few times, but I've done some redeeming things as well. I'm an alright bloke, when I remember to consider others like I've been working on. I just need to get her to see it.

I thought this year would be the year from the moment I got the letter with the Head Boy badge over the summer. Sirius, who was staying with us still at the time, after running away but before his Great Uncle left him a small fortune, had pumpkin juice and bits of toast spew out of his nose when the badge fell out of the envelop. How he managed the bits of toast, I'll never know. Nor do I think I want to. It was unexpected to be chosen Head Boy, having not been a prefect and all, but my only thought at the time was there was little doubt as to who would be Head Girl. The girl who had ruled my thoughts for nearly as long as I could remember, in some form or another.

Lily Evans would be Head Girl this year.

She would share a common room with just me and not a fourth of the castle's population. She would sleep just on the other side of a wall from me. This was my chance to show her how much I had changed, that I could be serious and not a total git.

I could show Lily I was what she needed, that I was the one.

Despite my best attempts from the moment we were both in the Prefect's Carriage, explaining things about this year to the Prefects, she was wary of my attentions. I stopped at nothing, being a perfect gentleman in the best fashion I knew how. Occasionally, she would let her guard down enough I could get a glimpse inside her mind, but it was never enough. Sure I knew she liked the color purple and missed her mum, who she became really close to after her father's death from a long illness over the summer, but I didn't know how to be exactly what she wanted. I didn't know how to get her to turn down some random Ravenclaw and get her to pay attention to me. I just wanted some time and some real conversation, the deep, not superficial kind of conversation. I try, and I haven't given up. The issue is it's almost Christmas holidays and I haven't gotten through yet. We've had a few polite conversations, but they always end with a strange look coming over her face and an awkward silence. That pained me because it was in those short conversations I was more myself, my true self and not just the prankster image I had built up around me. Each and every one of those silences was torture.

I'd almost kill to find out what was going on inside her head at times like that.

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A look around our small common room and down at my watch indicates she is late. I had asked her if I could talk to her tonight, about nine before we had to do rounds, but its a quarter past and Lily isn't here yet.

Our common room isn't too big, just meant for two people and a few friends who manage to sneak it, and it can be rather dreary since there are no windows. I'd let the small fire in the fireplace die down, which only added to the feeling of loneliness the room held when Lily wasn't here. She brought life and warmth into any room she was in. It was just another gift of the redheaded beauty. She was fiery, smarter than anyone I knew, brave, compassionate, and a million other terrific things. Most of all, she had this inviting mystery around her, at least to me. I wanted nothing more to get close and find out the secrets.

Suddenly, the statue that hid our common room entrance shuffled away and I saw the tapestry that hung above the doorway get batted aside. It was Lily, cheeks more red than her rather windswept curls, with a deep purple scarf wrapped around her neck. She must have been outside.

"Sorry I'm late James, I completely lost track of time outside," she quickly apologized, unwrapping the thick fringed scarf and pulling off matching gloves.

"It's alright, Lily. What were you doing out there though?" I asked, instantly worrying. "You look half frozen at the very least."

She looked at me with one of those odd expressions of hers, before deciding to answer. "I've always loved the winter, especially the really cold and windy days. Something about them just makes me feel…" She paused, "Free, I guess. Like there is nothing I can't or won't do."

I nodded, knowing that feeling from playing Quidditch. Already, I was drawn into wanting to solve what she was thinking of, get inside her head. Without really knowing it, I stood up from the couch and moved closer, until I was next to her. At this close of distance, I could smell the wonderful smell that was Lily. She smelled like a cold breeze touched with apple, the scent of her shampoo, and just the tiniest touch of a salty scent, kinda like an ocean. All and all invigorating and captivating, delicious and intriguing. I blame her smell for what I said next, without any preamble, completely ruining all thoughts of a normal conversation for that night.

"What are you thinking right now? You have this thoughtful expression on your face, Lily, and I've always wondered what was going on in your mind when I see it."

She jumped a little. I think I startled her, since she had been taking off her black cloak and hanging it up with her other outerwear and not looking in my direction. She spun around to look up at me, her mouth falling open a little.

"You want to know what I'm thinking?!?"

"Well, yeah. I've been wondering what goes on inside your head for years. So, what's it like inside your mind?"

She stared at me for a long while. So long in fact I started to get really nervous. How was she going to react to my rather random question?

Finally, she snapped out of it when our clock chimed nine thirty, half an hour until rounds. She grabbed her bag, which had been hung up next to the cloak and took off out the door without a word. I was more than a little shocked at this turn of events and stood there alone until the clock chimed ten and I had to go do my Head Boy duties.

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I didn't see Lily at all in the hour we were supposed to be doing rounds, which wasn't too surprising since we weren't exactly partnered together. I spilled everything to Remus, who I was partnered with, and he listened as best he could, but didn't have anything to add to my dilemma.

Once I got into my common room, I threw myself into my favorite chair that was beside the now completely dead fire. What I hadn't been expecting was the small, rather sharp cornered, book that was occupying some of the space in my chair and sticking uncomfortably into my bum. As I dislodged it underneath me, a small piece of parchment fluttered to the ground. I picked it up and read the mildly untidy scrawl.

_James-_

_You said you wanted to know what it is like inside my mind. Well, here it is._

_Enjoy,_

_Lily_

Opening the book, which I had now figured to be Lily's diary, I encountered more of the not-as-neat-as-expected writing, dating all the way back to first year on the train. I decided to read it, maybe satisfy some curiosity as to what made Lily Evans tick. I settled in for a long night.

I read for hours and hours, learning so much more than I ever expected. Not only were there normal day-to-day entries, but there were some small drawings and some bloody brilliant poetry, as well as equally amazing short stories. I had never known Lily was a writer, or how much her being magical influenced what she did write. She enjoyed writing retellings of fairy tales and her own original fantasy. I also noticed rather quickly that starting in the past year or so the stories had gotten more mature, a touch more realistic, and the prince faded from being fair-haired and totally idealized savior to having dark, messy hair and a penchant for mischief and the one who needed to be rescued. I wouldn't have minded being the prince in these if Lily got to be the girl who saved him. Through her stories and daily entries, I got a pretty good look inside the head of Lily Evans, learned more of her dreams and goals. She wanted to get married and have a family, but also leave her mark on the world somehow. She couldn't bear to be ordinary and just like everyone else. She fought with her sister constantly, who didn't understand the need to not be just like everyone else.

Lily was amazing.

What was even more amazing were her thoughts about me in the past few months, including her theories that my being respectful and nice towards her was a setup for a prank at the beginning. The tone of her thoughts slowly changed from suspicion to something else, perhaps wonder and curiosity. I became the topic of most of her writings. It was flattering to say the least, especially the entries that spoke of what could be a fancy for me.

It was the last entry that stopped me dead, written apparently just before rounds started, when she ran off.

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_December 14, 1977_

_9:42 PM_

_Library_

_Well, this entry is for you James, since you'll be reading this soon enough._

_I can honestly say I'm impressed. I've never had anyone, not my mother, not my best mates, and certainly not any guy ever ask me what I am thinking. I'm sorry I froze in there; I really just didn't know how to respond in a manner that wouldn't have embarrassed me. I have a sometimes difficult time expressing myself verbally, hence this rather long lasting diary and all my writings that fill it. I've never let anyone see any part of this before, it's my most secret thoughts and ideas about the world. But I thought I'd share it with you, for some odd reason._

_What I was thinking about was you and how you've changed this past year. I didn't want to believe it was possible at all. See the entries around September for proof of that, such as the prank theories. I didn't want to think everything I thought I'd ever known about you was wrong, I don't like being wrong. But I was._

_Just the smallest little conversations we have make me wonder, think about how I see the world and if it's changed in the past several years. I've been so scared to admit it has, with everything else in my world that has changed lately, but it really is different. And I think I might actually like the way my world has changed, and the role you play in this new world of mine. I think you are someone, one of the few; I might actually be able to trust. Really and truly, honestly trust with things I think or feel or dream._

_I'm sure you picked up on it in the entries since the start of November, but I'll say it anyway. I think I fancy you, and I think we might be able to start something here, provided you still fancy me. I'm not entirely sure here, I've never really fancied anyone, much less tried to have a relationship, and the fact its new is frightening just a little. But I want to try it, see where things go. I have a few questions for you though._

_ -Am I who you want?_

_(Because I'm pretty sure I want you)_

_ -Am I what you need?_

_(Because I'm pretty sure I need you.)_

_ -Would you please knock on the door to my room and put me out of my misery?_

_(Because I'm pretty sure you took all night to read this and I didn't get any sleep at all!)_

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Well…

That was all the encouragement I needed before jumping up and bounding across the room and pounding on the door that lead to her bedroom. The door opened and in the shadow behind it, I saw those green eyes I was always mesmerized by flash to mine with uncertainty. My body, being impulsive and refusing to be censored by my brain once more, sprang into action and pulled her out of the dark room and into my arms, holding her tight. Pulling away just far enough to find her lips, I pressed mine to hers and tried to will every emotion I was feeling into the kiss, hoping she would understand. My heart almost stopped when I felt her lips responding to mine, pressing just as hard, her hands wrapping around behind my neck. We continued lost in the kiss until the little life-prolonging thing called breathing really needed to happen.

As she looked up at me, her green eyes wide and lips just slightly swollen, she asked, "So, is that a yes to the questions?"

"No, Lily dear. That is a bet-Merlin's-saggy-left-bum-cheek-on-it yes!"

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_A/N: Well, this officially my longest story, ever, as well as my first happy HP story. I am currently in the hospital with my mother, who was admitted on Thursday due to complications with her Chemo, with nothing to do but listen to my Instant Star soundtracks and I got the idea from Tyler Kyte's song What You Need. I personally think it's cute, but that's just me. I should have a companion piece, in Lily's PoV coming soon. Most likely based on Alexz Johnson's Anyone But You, about when James proposes. Please review, if it isn't too much trouble. I really enjoy any kind of review. The spacing is still really messed up for some reason, so I'll see if I can fix it soon.  
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_Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine. But I'd gladly take Tyler Kyte any day._


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